Notes from a Staff Meeting

I just came from our quarterly staff meeting and decided to share some humorous thoughts. (Note: if anyone from work is reading this, I put this here for more own amusement and do not wish to insult or embarrass anyone.)

- I believe the intent of the first announcement is that we need to check our internal intranet more often (why I don't know as the last time I went there for a software update I found the information out of date by a year), however we were instructed to "check your internet" when we returned to our office. Hence why I'm writing this blog now; I'd hate to disobey orders.

- The only free parking spot at our new building is about 1 1/2 miles away whereas at the old building you could park 100 feet away. In spite of this, we were told that the company was trying to replicate the old parking options at the new building. Only 7,820 feet closer and they'll have it!

- We were told that our new "anonymous" intranet suggestion box could be traced back to us if the administrator received any violent suggestions. That's fine (I don't want administration to have to read death threats or anything like that), but it kind of negates the idea of an "anonymous" suggestion box.

- The above-mentioned suggestion box included items like the fire alarm is too loud, could we get the company to pay for cell phones, and we need hypo-allergenic soap in the bathroom. This is from a company who's employees have to walk miles to their cars, received a pittance of a "standard of living" increase with no merit-based raises, and has seen it's amount of incoming requests for work dwindle. Yet hypo-allergenic soap is the biggest complaint people have? (I'd send my own suggestions in, but I don't trust the "anonymous" suggestion box.)

- Two new students employees were told at the beginning of the meeting that "we'll try not to bore you." After several department managers had no reports, those students were apologized to because they were being bored (True story. Honestly!) And that pretty much explains it all.

- There are times when we have visitors come for meetings. Fortunately we have a vistors lot for just such an occasion. At this meeting, however, we were told visitors who parked in the lot and signed in at the front desk "may or may not be towed" and "we can't make any guarantees" that they won't be towed. Good thing that visitors lot is there, huh?

Hope that I didn't bore you. But it was good to get that off my chest. Now I'm going to eat my second donut I got from the meeting (really the only good thing about staff meetings.) Mmm, donuts.