Tis the Season for Gifts

My company means well. Each Christmas they give the staff a Christmas gift. Now I understand that they do this because the IRS would tax them if they gave out bonuses. I'd still rather have the money though. Human Resources has pointed out time and again how hard it is to find a gift to please everyone. However, I'm still not sure they always come up with the best ideas. So here is a review of past Christmas gifts from my company. Keep in mind all of these products are emblazoned with our company logo.

Umbrella This actually seems like a practical gift since all of us (except HR and the CEO, of course) have to walk a mile from the parking lot. I don't actually own this gift. It was given out the year before I joined the company. I saw a few of these in my first year, but they've been gone ever since. Apparently they break very easily. Good attempt, but a cheap product.

Baseball Cap This is pretty useless. We can't wear it to work and I wouldn't wear it out anywhere (except maybe to mow the lawn). It' a greyish/brownish cap with a blue bill. It also features our old logo which is pretty much unreadable at a distance. The material looks like it's been through the wash cycle 50 times. I supposed it's supposed to be "distressed," but it looks more like the company we got them from had 150 extra hats from a previous project that they needed to get rid of, so they stamped our logo on them and called it a day.

Duffle Bag I actually like this gift. It's the perfect size to fit under an airplane seat and is made out of high(er) quality material. I've actually used this several times on trips. Props to the people who chose this gift.


Blue Fleece-Lined Jacket Two years in a row with sensible gifts. Wow! I actually wear this all the time. It a short jacket lined with fleece. It's perfect for fall weather. Completely useless in the winter, but it serves it's purpose.

Folding Chair Apparently someone in HR subscribes to the "Generic Logo-Placement Gifts Catalog." It's one of those portable folding chairs with the company's logo on it. No cup holder, footstool, head covering like the fancy models. Most everyone seems to already own several of these and I have never seen this item again since it was handed out. Presumably it's in my garage somewhere and gets thrown in my trunk when we go to an event requiring us to bring our own chair, but never gets taken out because everyone already has one from their company. Also I own a Purdue chair, so why would I promote my company when I can promote my school? Yeah, I need to grow up someday.

Blanket Again, reasonably good thought, bad execution. This is one of the fleece blankets that fold up in it's own pocket. "Perfect for carrying to picnics" I believe is the slogan for this one. However, when you fold the blanket up (which is near impossible) to fit in the pocket, you find the zipper for the pocket...is on the inside. So that doesn't make much sense. I assume most people use blankets to cover up in, not go on picnics. Unfortunately I'm 6 foot tall and this blanket is about 50" long. At least I can cover my feet with it.

Black Fleeced-Lined Coat I guess they were tired of seeing everyone wear those blue fleece coats around. So this one is black, slightly longer, and has a hood. Also, only the body is lined, not the arms. This makes no sense to me. If you wear this in the fall, your chest is hot while the rest of you is comfortable; if you wear this in the winter, your chest stays warm while your arms freeze. I'm seen a few people wear these, but mostly those blue fleeced coats are the main fashion choice in jackets around here.

Fire extinguisher To be fair, this wasn't a Christmas gift. Once a quarter, a $25 gift card was given out to those who hadn't taken a sick day. The IRS began saying that those gift cards would have to be taxed, that they were like additional pay. Only physical items could be considered tax free gifts. So my company decided to give out gifts for those with perfect attendance. After thinking long and hard, they came up with...a fire extinguisher. It's one of those little models you keep under your sink. I'm not sure if the gift was to imply that our old building was a fire hazard or that they just had given up deciding what to get us and happen to be in the fire extinguisher aisle. I've never seen anyone have these at their desks. When they were being handed out, even my usually reserved co-workers were chuckling at it. What in the world were they thinking? Who wants a fire extinguisher as a gift? This has got to be the worst gift ever. Fortunately, my wife (queen of the shoppers) was able to identify the item as coming from Target. They let us exchange it for something from the same department. Now we're the proud owners of a shop vac. Much better.

Cooler on wheels I really don't get this one. It's a flimsy material lined with that grey water/cold proof cooler stuff you see on those bags at Costco to store your frozen foods on the way home. It's the kind of cooler they sell at the Colt's Pro-Shop for tailgating. This cooler is on two wheels with an airport style handle on top. Now the only time I use those suitcases on wheels are at the airport. And I KNOW you can't take pop or beverages on a plane anymore. Maybe they think we're all transporting cold beer from our cars to the office. A side note: a coworker (I assume. I'd never seen her before, but she was getting a gift so she must work here. I doubt people are coming in off the street to get a cooler on wheels.) thought it was a laptop case on wheels. Well, it is on wheels, but the flimsy construction and cooler-material interior seem to blow that out of the water. Sometimes I wonder how people get hired here.

Earth-rise, Earth-set

Two months ago Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) launched "KAGUYA", a project that essentially consists of three satellites. The main purpose of the project is to data on the moon and research technology for moon missions. The coolest thing about this mission (at least in the short run) are the amazing HD pictures the project has sent back. Check out these great first HD pictures of an "earth-rise" and the lunar surface. Absolutely amazing. God is an amazing artist!

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your gloryabove the heavens...When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:1, 3-4)

Rolly Polly Fish Heads

Yes, that picture to the left is the view out of our window here at work. The fish wranglers have been brought in and our providing my coworkers with window cubes plenty to be interested in. Here's the full story from the Star.

Are you prepared for zombies?

Remember a few years ago when the government gave us all instructions on how to survive terrorists attacks with duct tape? Well, they left out a contingency for one thing: zombies. Yes, that's right, zombies (or the un-dead as they like to be called.). Some individuals on the web thought that the world was not prepared for a zombie attack. So they set up a website to warn us all. I personally haven't seen any reports of zombies heading to Indianapolis, but if you feel unprepared for the coming zombies, I felt I needed to pass this information on.

Fall is (was) in the Air

I'm a little slow with the blog these days, but I've finally got pictures of our fall adventures. Let me just lump them all into one post and get them up for all the eager viewers.

Covered Bridge Festival

Rachel poses in front of the main road in Mansfield. Behind her you can see booths selling pizza, turkey legs, giant pork tenderloins, and sati-babis. Ummmm, fall festival foods.

Rachel and I pose while I try to take a self-picture like all the kids do these days.

The odd thing is that someone was selling outhouses. I suppose this is decoration for someone. Brian just thought it was a cool play house.

Beautiful fall foliage marred by some power lines. Yes, there are power lines even in Mansfield, IN.

Mandy, Brian and I browse some booths. Right after this Brian bought (read: Mandy bought) a toy motorcycle that was marked $2. The man at the booth said it was actually $4 and that it was marked wrong (along with all dozen of the others). Fortunately Brian escaped with only paying the $2, but how could you try to scam a three-year old like that?

The old Mansfield Mill. This is what they used before those power lines went in.

Mom and Mandy on our way out of Mansfield. My mom is extremely camera shy. The only way to get her in a photo is to run in front of her and hurriedly snap a picture from afar.

Pumpkin Works

Parents spend all that money on toys and all kids really want is just a big room full of corn.

There's a guy behind this pumpkin with microphone. He can move the pumpkin's mouth and talk to the kids. We saw a lot of kids get freaked out because the "pumpkin" would mention something specific (what they were wearing, how tall they were, etc.). Don't these kids know that pumpkins can talk?

Rachel's idea of heaven: surrounded by pumpkins.

Brian looks on as we walk off and leave him alone in the corn maze. (Just kidding.) Actually he probably would have been better than us adults in getting out. Andy and Rachel were using a map and it still took us an hour.

Pictures of everyone on the hay ride to the pumpkin patch. I'd say 95% of all pictures I have of my mom our in shadow, her hiding, her looking the other way, taken from a long distance away or some combination of the above.

Andy and Brian. I wonder at what age kids learn to look at the camera?

Believe it or not, this is the picture BEFORE we traipsed through the pumpkin patch.

It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! Andy actually ended up taking this home. He had to carry it with one arm because of his shoulder surgery. He still lifted it easier than me. Maybe I need a home gym for Christmas???

It's not really fall until you've put a miniature pumpkin in a giant sling shot and fired it at silos in a field.

Hey! Not one word about my wife being a witch!

Halloween

Our front porch. Guaranteed to scare off possible trick or treaters.

Pop quiz: Guess which pumpkin is mine. One of these...

Or this one.

Rachel insists this is Achmed, the Dead Terrorist.

New Addition

Let me introduct my newest cousin. Kaylee Marie Short was born October 30, 2007 to Shawn and Cathy Short.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to everyone. Rachel has had the house decorated for over a month; I'll post pictures when I have time to get them from my camera to the computer.

Quote of the Day: Novel Comments

I happened to overhear a group of people (not from my office) discussing a book one of them was reading (sorry, I didn't catch the title; I'm not listening THAT closely to random conversations around me). The person who had read the book commented that it was hard to read and that he sometimes couldn't understand what the writer was saying. This bothered him because he had to reread sentences, leading to this quote: "When you're reading a novel you shouldn't have to read something twice." Hopefully this person has just been used to reading the Pokey Little Puppy and not The Brothers Karamozov all his life, otherwise he's missed a lot.

Richard E. Winn, 1917-2007

I don't know how to write a proper eulogy for my great-grandfather Richard Winn, so here is the obituary that ran in the Brazil Times.

Richard E. Winn, age 90, Brazil, died at 8:30 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 20, 2007, at Holly Hill Healthcare.

He was born Oct. 20, 1917, in Clay County, as the son of Clifford and Helen Barndollar Winn.

Following graduation from Brazil High School he attended Indiana State University, Indiana University and University of Missouri.

He then began a long career as a teacher at Indiana State University.

He was a member of the Brazil First United Methodist Church.

He married Gretchen Lancett in 1936.

He was preceded in death by his parents; one brother, Jim Winn and two sisters, Marie Bennett and Mary Beaman.

He is survived by his wife Gretchen; one daughter, Karolyn. M. Wegner; one son, Richard E. Winn, Jr.; grandchildren, Cindy Stiffler, Candy Clerk, Dan Wegner and wife Linda, all of Brazil, Christy Prulhiere and husband Paul, Camby, Cathy Short and husband Shawn, Beaver Creek, Ohio, and Sally Ann Winn of Helena, Mon.; great grandchildren, Troy Stiffler and wife Rachel, Indianapolis, Amanda Sebastian and husband Andy, Coal City, Trent Clerk, Tiara Clerk and Tressa Clerk, all of Brazil, Danny Wegner and wife Allyson, Terre Haute, Amos Wegner, Brazil, Natasha Wegner and Aaron Prulhiere both of Camby, and Emily and Hannah Winn both of Helena, Mont.; great great-grandson, Brian Sebastian, Coal City, and two brothers, Harry Winn, Indianapolis and Don Winn of San Antonio, Texas.

Moore Funeral Home was chosen to provide cremation services. A memorial service will conducted at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 24 at Moore Funeral Home with Rev. Tony Alstott officiating.

Should friends so desire, expressions of sympathy may take the form of donations to Alzheimer’s Association, 9135 N. Meridian St., Ste. B-4, Indianapolis, 46209.

Visit www.moore-funeral-homes.com to send condolences to the family or for more information.

Praising the Engineering Fountain

OK, most of you who know me know that I love Purdue. I also loved going on Fountain Runs when I was a student there. As part of Boiler Gold Rush, I initiated many freshmen in the joys of getting soaked by running through the fountain (no longer possible because of a bizarre cylinder now placed around the fountain). However, bowing down in worship of the fountain was never something I thought of. Check out the crazy antics now going on at Purdue:



Read more about what is going on (although even the press can't explain WHY this happened).

Harassed at Work

I just came from our annual anti-harassment training. This is always a humorous occasion for me. It's humorous not because the topic isn't serious, but because no one has effectively come up with a way to instruct 100+ people in an hour how not to harass people. This year the company ditched the speaker (who basically stands up front, reads Power Point slides, and answers embarrassing questions from the audience). Unfortunately, they did not ditch the cheesy After-School Special-type videos.

We were greeted by one of the HR women (no men in the HR department, I'm sure no stereotyping was involved though) welcoming us to "Harassment Training." Unfortunately she misspoke or that would have made the session much more interesting. On to the videos.

First up was the awesomely titled "Ouch! That Stereotype Hurts!" (With Vignettes!) It featured a bunch of actors/waiters (yes I'm stereotyping actors, but they're not my coworkers. Hopefully this is allowed for the sake of comedy.) commenting on why harassment hurts. (I think I learned this when I kindergarten, but apparently others are slow learners.) The main host finally gave us a 6 or 7 step process to use when faced with harassment. I won't bore you with the entire process (largely because I have forgotten most of them already), but one of them was "Ask a question." This could be done, the host pointed out, by asking "What do you mean?" when someone makes an inappropriate comment. This was proceeded by five random people looking at the camera and saying "What do you mean?" for those of us who are really, really slow. Another suggestion, as foreshadowed by the video's title, was to just say "Ouch!" If someone makes a comment stereotyping someone and we don't feel like asking questions or delving into the issue, we can just say "Ouch!" And if you thought this was immediately proceeded by over half a dozen people looking at the camera and saying "Ouch!" than you've caught the gist of this video.

The second video wasn't nearly as interesting. Titled "Harassment is..." it was basically a host talking with short vignettes shown in between. No 6 step program here. The one standout vignette was an American lady making fun of a Indian woman because the Indian didn't speak English. The American lady then said in a Real World confessional-style interview (in black and white, no less!) that "Those people can't even speak English good." Finally my coworkers were allowed to laugh. Apparently stereotyping Americans is still OK. Thank goodness!

Back to work. I'll try not to harass people.

Biscuits and Gravy Canal

There are more serious (and sadder) things going on in my life, but the trivial makes for much better (and more humorous) blog topics. So let me tell you about what they're doing to the body of water to the West of my office.

For those who are regular readers (hi mom!) you'll know that my new office building is on the East side of the Downtown Canal. Before being on the canal regularly, I thought it was a beautiful sight and would be wonderful to walk along on my lunch hours. Well, it is great to have the canal and walkways, but it isn't exactly beautiful. Algae, weeds, leaves, and debris clutter the canal. My office is at the North end where the basin is. Often that basin is so full of gunk that it looks like you could walk across it without getting wet. Thankfully the city of Indianapolis is going to clean the canal up. They are going to drain the canal and then scrape the bottom clean. That's the good news. Now the bad news. Today's Indianapolis Star reports the following:

- "[The project] will temporarily transform the urban waterway into a sludge pit."

- "Any non-native species [of fish] will be removed. 'Like if it's a piranha or something'"

- "It'll eventually get to a biscuits-and-gravy-type consistency"

Yes, that's right. Starting next month I can look out the windows or take a walk along a canal filled with sludge that has a "biscuits-and-gravy-type" consistency. Also, since this is a city-funded project and I happen to also live in Indianapolis, I get to pay for this as well. Woohoo! So if anyone has a gas mask or maybe just a clothespin to protect me from the smell of sludge, I'd appreciate it if you could lend it to me.

Babysitting Grant

Rachel and I had the privilege of baby sitting our nephew Grant last week. He behaved great, although he was reluctant to go to bed on time (probably because he was having so much fun with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Troy!). We had a good time and, of course, took some pictures to share.

Like all great musicians, Grant prefers to work without people taking pictures.


Rachel gets to play with Grant.


Rachel poses with Grant while Grant wonders when he can get back to his toys.


"How sweet are your words to my taste." Grant has an interesting take on Psalm 119.


Maybe Grant's refusal to go to sleep had something to do with the someone taking all these pictures!

Big Football Weekend

With the AAFL draft and a Colts preseason game, I was pretty busy with football related activities on Saturday. Check out pictures and more on my sports blog.

Extraneous Questions from Work

I thought I would share an e-mail I got from work. This is more a cathartic act to deal with my job than actually news to my readers, but I hope you'll find it amusing.

I sent my boss an Excel spreadsheet with various data. I made sure to label each of the column carefully. As you can see, the circled columns clearly show they are labeled "December 2002". I then get an e-mail from by boss asking if the data was from December 2002 or June 2003. This is the kind of extraneous e-mails I answer all day. It's not that it's hard to send an e-mail reply, but I just seems so useless to answer a question that should be perfectly obvious. *Sigh*

Thanks for letting me share my frustrations with you.

Indians Game

My company had it's annual picnic at an Indianapolis Indians game this past weekend. The weather was perfect, the food was good (and free!), unfortunately the Indians have one of the worst fielding teams I've ever seen. That combined with a horrendous outing from the pitcher (he had a 47.25 ERA for the game. Seriously!) combined for a 12-0 lead by the Durham Bulls in the second inning. We left shortly thereafter not needing to see any more of the beatdown. I almost forgot: we did get free hats as one of the first 4,000 fans. Always nice to get free stuff!

Only in Indiana...

This vehicle was in front of me on the interstate Friday. The picture's a little grainy (it was taken with my cell phone), but it's pickup truck with a coffin (yes, a coffin) in the back. Either someone passed away and the family couldn't afford a hearse or the truck's owner found a good deal on a coffin that day. Either way, this is just something I don't think you see to often outside of Indiana!